How to Help Someone with PTSD

When our friends are in need, our knee-jerk reaction is to help them. Maybe they need help changing a tire or getting over rejection. Most of us will be able to help out with these scenarios, but what if they need help with something a little heavier?

It’s a good thing to want to help a friend, but in cases of mental health, it’s important to understand the special considerations and how best to help them.

What Causes PTSD?

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) was formerly associated only with soldiers who saw active combat. Shortly after the start of World War I, medical professionals noted the effects that active combat was having on soldiers. The term “shell shock” was coined to define these effects.

Shell shock is now known as a form of PTSD, but it was only recently that healthcare professionals began using PTSD to apply to multiple situations. PTSD is a mental health disorder with the following symptoms:

• Anxiety
• Flashbacks
• Hypervigilance
• Panic attacks

We all experience traumatic events that take time to process. We may experience flashbacks of that event for a time, but after a while, we may be able to move forward on our own. Some people are not able to move past trauma on their own, and will instead develop PTSD.

Understanding Trauma

Trauma can be very big, life-threatening situations such as:

• Combat
• Natural disasters
• Shootings
• Assaults
• Any time you believe your life is in danger

However, as our understanding continues to expand, it’s also known that emotionally devastating events can be traumatic:

• Death of a loved one
• Serious illness (of yourself or someone else)
• Witnessing a traumatic event happen to someone else

PTSD can develop from a singular event, but it can also develop from an extended time of experiencing:

• Abuse
• Bullying
• Neglect
• Prolonged difficulties

When a person lives through these long-term traumas, they often develop what is called complex PTSD (c-PTSD). This looks similar to PTSD but often has unique signs and symptoms.

The cause of PTSD can be different from person to person. What is traumatic to one person isn’t necessarily traumatic for someone else. We each have our own window of tolerance and unique abilities that will decide how we will react to certain situations. 

Talking to Someone with PTSD

When you talk to someone with PTSD, what you say and how you say it is important, especially when wounds are fresh. Your loved one may need special care, so when you’re trying to help someone with PTSD, it’s important to know the best way to go about it.

Listen Before You Speak

Sharing traumatic events can be very difficult. They might be learning how to cope with their trauma and may not know how to put it into words. 

Be patient with them and don’t assume you know what they need to hear. Sometimes they just need someone to sit with them. You do not need to “fix them” in every conversation.

Listen to what they have to say, and if they don’t want to discuss it, respect their personal space. You don’t need to know what they are not telling you. It won’t change how you talk or help them.

Be Positive and Reassuring

A little empathy goes a long way. Especially in cases of c-PTSD, it can be helpful to offer consistent and frequent reassurance. Here are some things to remind them of:

• They matter to you
• They are good enough
• You are there for them
• They are safe
• You admire them

Stay calm and use positive speech. Instead of saying “Stop worrying. Don’t cry”, say “You’re safe. I love you.” Remind them of the fact that they are important instead of trying to make them stop feeling symptoms of PTSD.

Respect Their Experiences

It’s important to remember that trauma comes in all shapes and sizes. Just because you think it’s “not that bad”, you’ve experienced something similar, or you think you’ve gone through worse, doesn’t mean this person’s experience is invalid.

Be empathetic toward them and don’t let your experiences get in the way.

Other Ways to Help Someone with PTSD

Having conversations with someone who is experiencing PTSD can be helpful for them, but there are other ways to be there for them. These can be helpful after a recent diagnosis or if they’ve been dealing with this for a long time.

Learn About Their  PTSD

Take some time to learn about PTSD symptoms and the disorder in general. Every person with PTSD will have their unique experiences. However, doing your research will help you to understand what they’re going through.

More important than learning about PTSD in general is to learn about your friend’s specific needs. You don’t need to know all the details about what happened. Instead learn about things like:

• What triggers them
• How they react
• What makes them feel safe

You shouldn’t push them into sharing these things. Pressuring them to open up could cause retraumatization and make their experiences worse. If they want to play things close to the chest, that’s their prerogative and none of your business.

Be With Them

Mental health disorders often make people feel helpless, depressed, and alone. This is no exception for people with PTSD. 

Be a friend to them by offering to do things with them. Hang out with them and just be a friend. Recreation can also be therapeutic so ask them to join you for:

• Hiking
• Painting
• Yoga

If they ask you to go to a support group, go with them. Or help them look for groups or therapists that could be helpful.

Attend Family Therapy

When a family member is attending therapy, the counselor will often send them back with strategies to help them cope. Getting involved in that process will help enforce their progress and give them a greater support system.

Better than being aware of their progression is attending sessions together. Attending family therapy is a great way to gain a better understanding of them and what they need. 

At Sequoia Behavioral Health, the family involved in this part of the program is whoever the client chooses. Whoever their chosen family is is encouraged to participate. Learn more about family therapy at Sequoia.

Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself

Supporting someone with PTSD doesn’t mean neglecting your own needs. Make sure you’re not the only friend or family member who is dedicated to helping out.

You shouldn’t feel guilty about setting boundaries or taking a step back. Encourage them to get professional help. Trained counselors and therapists have been studying PTSD for years. They will have a lot more resources than you have.

Another thing to consider is to go to therapy yourself. Being able to offload and get equipped to better care for yourself and others  will only help.

Get Help for a Loved One With PTSD

Going through a traumatic experience is hard enough, but when it becomes a long-term battle, it can be hard to feel like there is any way of escape.

Being a friend to someone with PTSD can be helpful for them. However, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to help them alone. Encouraging them to seek therapy might be one of the best ways to help them.

We treat trauma, PTSD, and c-PTSD. We offer many treatment options including somatic experiencing, acceptance and commitment therapy, emotional freedom techniques, and more. Each client gets an individualized and holistic approach to treatment. Contact us and learn how we can help.