Signs You Are A Narcissistic Supply
Narcissism is a very misunderstood personality disorder. Almost everyone will exhibit signs of narcissism throughout their life, but most people don’t have narcissism personality disorder (NPD).
It’s common to hear people call someone a narcissist for acting self-centered, but the truth is that those with NPD have more issues than that. For example, those with NPD tend to seek control and validation because they experience some kind of guilt, shame, or fear of people. However, they have a hard time empathizing and have a grandiose view of self.
People with NPD crave praise and control, but what happens if they don’t get that, and what are they willing to do to get it? In this article we’ll cover:
- What is narcissistic supply?
- How to tell if you’re a narcissistic supply
- The effects of being a narcissistic supply
- What to do if you’re a narcissistic supply
What Is a Narcissistic Supply?
Those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) crave validation, attention, and admiration. Narcissistic supply refers to the validation and control someone with NPD seeks. People with NPD can be thought of as being addicted to attention and admiration. This makes their supply very important to them.
Narcissistic supply also refers to the people who give validation and admiration. However, the people who are considered narcissistic supplies often give supply against their will.
People with NPD are notoriously manipulative and they are known to emotionally extort people to get the supply they need. Naturally, being a narcissistic supply can be emotionally and physically damaging.
How to Tell If You’re a Narcissistic Supply
Narcissistic relationships are hard to be in, but it can be hard to notice them. These examples are helpful for identifying narcissistic relationships.
You’re Experiencing Trauma Bonding
Trauma bonds are created in abusive relationships. The abuser uses manipulation tactics to create dependency then criticizes, gaslights, and emotionally abuses their partner to exert control.
Narcissists use trauma bonding as a way to build trust then control and abuse to feel better about themself.
The first sign of trauma bonding is love bombing—smothering someone in affection, love, and gifts. The relationship starts with high levels of affection but quickly turns sour.
Learn More About Trauma Bonding: 7 Stages About Trauma Bonding, How to Heal From Trauma Bonding
You Feel Exploited Or Used
If you’re in a relationship where your weaknesses, finances, and emotions are often exploited so your partner can get what they want, chances are you’re a narcissist’s supply.
When someone with narcissism is in a relationship they tend to exploit people in their relationships to gain more supply. This can look like several things:
- Offering a helping hand but expecting praise
- Using past events as reasons to receive praise or financial support
- Overtly or covertly domineering decision-making
- Provoking you to be angry and then blaming you for your reaction
Exploitation is one way for narcissists to fuel their supply.
Related Articles: Emotional Manipulation
Your Partner Expects Higher-Than-Average Praise
Doing something good should warrant some kind of praise. However, those with narcissism expect to receive special treatment, especially after doing something helpful.
Narcissism creates a large sense of self-importance and those who have it have an idealized view of themself. Because of this, narcissists seek to validate that view by receiving attention and praise for things they’ve done.
If a narcissist doesn’t receive praise for their actions they’ll see their good deeds as useless because no one recognized them for it.
Your Partner Does Not Take Criticism Well
People with narcissism want others to see them as perfect. This makes receiving criticism incredibly difficult for them.
Everyone has a hard time hearing criticism even when it’s constructive. It’s hard to hear that you’ve done something wrong or hurt someone's feelings. However, those with narcissism react strongly to criticism and even small slights.
You may be a narcissist’s supply if they react explosively when hearing criticism.
The Effects of Being a Narcissistic Supply
Those with narcissism build up themselves at the expense of their supply. This leaves suppliers in a vulnerable spot. This is how being a narcissistic supply can impact people.
Anxiety and Depression
Those who are suppliers for a narcissist will likely experience anxiety and depression. A relationship with someone who is domineering and who thrives on fear is shaky at best.
While in a relationship like this, anxiety and depression are typical. Suppliers may be anxious about what their partner will do next or how they should proceed in the relationship. Remember that those who are chosen as suppliers are often pre-identified by the narcissist as vulnerable.
Codependency
Being in a relationship like this won’t create a healthy attachment style and can lead to codependency. Loss of self is a typical reaction to trauma bonding. From there, the abuser can manipulate and create a new personality for the supplier.
During this process, the supplier could become dependent on the narcissist for their sense of self. This is a serious problem for people in this kind of situation and will most likely require a lot of time to recover from.
Related Article: How to Stop Being Codependent
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
PTSD develops in people who have lived through traumatic events, whether that be directly or witnessing. Being the supplier for a narcissist is traumatic.
Being the supplier for a narcissist, whether it be a partner, boss, friend, or a family member, could lead to the development of post-traumatic stress disorder. How people relate to others is important, and living as a narcissistic supply will negatively influence relationships.
What to Do if You’re a Narcissistic Supply?
Coming to the realization that you’re the supply of someone with NPD can be scary. Chances are you’ve been feeling the effects of the manipulation and extortion. The process of breaking free from narcissistic supply may require quite a bit of effort.
Cut Them Off
Cutting them off requires completely removing yourself from the relationship. This will be easier or more difficult depending on what the relationship is like. For example, if you live with them, have an obligation to be around them, or are isolated from other people.
Besides completely cutting them off you could try a technique called “gray rocking”. This method involves cutting them off emotionally. If you’re able to recognize when they’re trying to manipulate you, don’t give them the emotional response they want.
Recognize Your Self-Worth and Work on Your Self-Esteem
During your time as a narcissistic supply, you may have lost track of who you are. The person you were supplying may have made you feel so special yet so little. Regaining your sense of self and your self-worth is an uphill battle, but remember that your self-worth is not dependent on what others think of you.
Walking away from a narcissistic relationship will affect your self-esteem. Amongst the criticisms and emotional abuse, those with NPD try to keep their supplies close by also offering affection through love bombing.
To improve your self-esteem, seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who you can talk to about the experience.
Attend Therapy
The truth is, being a narcissistic supply can cause mental and physical damage that may require help from a therapist. If you’re experiencing flashbacks, high anxiety, or relationships that cause fear, attending therapy is a good idea.
The damages caused by being a narcissistic supply can leave you feeling alone and isolated, but that’s not really the case. You’re not alone in your battles, and a trained therapist will guide you through the healing process.
Related Articles: Do I Need Trauma Therapy?
Holistic Mental Health Treatment at Sequoia Behavioral Health
Whether you were the supplier for a romantic partner, a friend, a coworker, or a family member, a holistic mental health treatment program will help people heal from the traumas of a toxic relationship.
Sequoia Behavioral Health offers mental health treatment programs that match the needs of every patient. Contact us to learn more about how we can help.