What to do if Your Therapist Upsets You

Having a healthy relationship with your therapist is essential to achieving your mental health goals. To build a strong relationship with your therapist, you need to be open, honest, and vulnerable.

Honesty works both ways in therapy. It’s a time for healing, and sometimes the healing process involves addressing some uncomfortable truths. When your therapist confronts you with issues that make you feel upset, it can make you question if they’re really on your side.

Your therapist is almost always on your side, and confrontation is often necessary for your self-growth. Let’s take a look at how your therapist might confront you and what you should do if they upset you. 

Confrontation in Counseling and Therapy

Therapy, especially in inpatient treatment programs, aren't designed for self-validation or advice-giving. You may have heard that your feelings are always valid, and that is the truth. The problem is your feelings don’t always align with reality, and they can control how you view yourself and the world around you. 

This is where therapy comes in. Your therapist acts as a guiding hand, leading you to self-actualization and mental wellbeing. In order to do this effectively, they have to steer you back on path when you’ve lost your way. 

Confrontation is a mutually beneficial tool that therapists use to keep you on track towards achieving your goals. 

Read our related article to discover the benefits of individual therapy vs group therapy.

Empathic Confrontation in Counseling

Counselors and therapists are trained to practice empathic confrontation. Empathic confrontation helps the client identify and change their negative thoughts and feelings, and it can broken down into four parts:

• Listening—Respectfully listen to the client's thoughts and feelings
• Empathizing—Acknowledge the client’s thoughts and express concerns 
• Confronting—Challenge the client’s beliefs and point out inconsistencies in their thinking 
• Helping—Guide the client towards conscious decisions and healthier behaviors

Empathic confrontation helps the client understand their harmful thoughts and behaviors. It’s a form of confrontation that’s rooted in compassion and understanding, rather than aggression and judgment.

Counseling Immediacy

Immediacy is a skill that counselors and therapists use to share how they’re feeling in the moment. It allows the counselor and the client to explore what’s going on between them, especially when addressing difficult topics.

Counseling immediacy is a skill that contributes to mutual respect and understanding. Some of the ways that counselors practice immediacy include:

• Providing their interpretation of what the client is saying
• Bringing the client’s attention to their tone of voice or body language
• Acknowledging changes in the client’s mood or behaviors
• Acknowledging when the client appears to be upset or hostile
• Notifying the client that a topic may be sensitive or difficult to talk about

Counseling immediacy can help clients that struggle with opening up, trusting others, or expressing their emotions in a healthy way. It’s an important skill that helps keep the counselor and client on the same page. 

Read our related article to discover what to expect from therapy.

What to Do if Your Therapist Upset You

Sometimes, you will have to talk about sensitive or difficult topics in therapy. These topics can challenge your beliefs or views, and it can cause you to feel upset with your therapist. This is especially true when your therapist is offering alternative points of view that don’t align with how you see things. 

When you’re upset with your therapist, it’s important to express your feelings. Although your emotions may be running high, you should try to be respectful when addressing your feelings. Your therapist can then communicate what they’re doing, and why they’ve taken a particular approach. 

It’s important to keep in mind that your therapist wants you to succeed just as much as you do. Therapy is a collaborative process, and maintaining a healthy and constructive relationship is just as important to your therapist as it is for you. 

Legitimate Reasons to Be Upset With Your Counselor

More often than not, your therapist is trying to help you, not hurt you. That being said, there are some specific occasions when your therapist can cross the line. 

To determine when your therapist is behaving inappropriately, here are some things to look out for:

• They project their feelings or preconceived notions onto you
• They don’t respect your culture, gender, religion, or ethnicity
• They breach confidentiality
• They interrupt you frequently, don’t listen to you, or appear distracted when you’re talking
• They create an unhealthy power dynamic by belittling you, being dismissive, or making you overly dependent on them

Sometimes, you and your therapist just aren’t a good match. When this is the case, it’s okay to try someone else. It’s important to recognize that just because there’s challenges, it doesn’t mean that you and your therapist aren’t a good fit. Therapy is supposed to be challenging; overcoming these challenges is the best way to heal and grow.

If you feel like your therapist is behaving inappropriately or crossing ethical boundaries, then it’s important to notify the clinical director. Your therapist should challenge you, they shouldn’t be disrespectful or inappropriate. 

Sequoia Behavioral Health—Helping You Achieve Your Mental Health Goals

At Sequoia Behavioral Health, our therapists are professionally trained to help you achieve self-fulfillment and mental wellness. We place a strong emphasis on compassion, respect, and healing while we guide you on your mental health journey. For transformative therapy and expert care, trust Sequoia Behavioral Health. 

If you or a loved one could benefit from one of our many different therapy modalities, consider reaching out to our mental health experts today.