Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style

It’s normal to feel insecure in your relationships from time to time, but for some people, these insecure feelings can be persistent, overwhelming, and thought-consuming. This not only puts a strain on their mental health, but it also affects their ability to trust others and maintain healthy relationships. 

If you constantly question where you stand in your relationship or find yourself overthinking your partner’s actions or words, then you may have an anxious preoccupied attachment style. Everyone has their own attachment style when it comes to relationships, and understanding yours can provide insight into your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

To help you better understand the anxious preoccupied attachment style, let’s take a look at what it is, how it affects relationships, and how it can be treated. 

What Is an Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style?

An anxious preoccupied attachment style is characterized by a strong reliance on others for self-validation. Someone with this attachment style will feel a constant need for closeness and intimacy, and they’ll experience severe anxiety about abandonment and rejection.

Most of the time, these feelings of abandonment and rejection are not based on the actions of others. Instead, they’re often rooted in the person’s internal fears and insecurities. 

To an outsider, someone with this attachment style may appear overly clingy or needy. To someone with this type of attachment, their clingy behaviors are an attempt to soothe their overwhelming anxiety of being unloved or unworthy.

Read our related article to discover how to stop being codependent in relationships.

What Are the Signs of Anxious Preoccupied Attachment?

Some of the most common signs and behaviors of an anxious preoccupied attachment style include:

• Excessive reliance on others
• Low self-esteem
• Jealousy
• Difficulty with boundaries
• Fear of abandonment
• Hyper-aware of changes in someone’s mood/behaviors

Although these behaviors can provide a temporary relief from anxiety and fears of abandonment, the constant need for reassurance can put a significant strain on the relationship over time.

How Does Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Affect Relationships?

The emotional dependency and anxiety that comes with this attachment style can impact all forms of relationships, whether it’s romantic partnerships, friendships, or family connections.

In romantic partnerships, the person with this attachment style often experiences heightened jealousy, a fear of abandonment, and difficulty trusting their partner. Over time, this can cause their partner to feel overwhelmed and unable to keep up with their ongoing needs for validation and reassurance. 

Someone with an anxious preoccupied attachment may also constantly seek validation and fear neglect or abandonment from their friends and family. These behaviors can seem overly clingy or needy, and this can cause friends and family members to distance themselves from them. This distance confirms their fears of abandonment and can increase their anxiety further.

How Does Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Develop?

Similar to other attachment styles, an anxious preoccupied attachment style usually develops during early childhood. Although this attachment style can develop due to a variety of factors, it’s most commonly linked to inconsistent caregiving from a parent to their child. 

When a child experiences inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving, they may start to feel anxious or unsure of whether or not their needs will be met. This emotional anxiety can also come from abuse or neglect during childhood, which causes a child to feel abandoned, insecure, or unsure of their self-worth.

While this attachment style can stem from abuse or trauma, it can also arise out of situations where a parent is loving and caring. For example, if a loving parent is constantly preoccupied with work or other responsibilities, then their child may also feel emotionally neglected. These feelings of emotional neglect may eventually develop into an anxious preoccupied attachment.  

Read our related article for information on attachment trauma in adults. 

Dr. Ainsworth’s Experiments 

Mary Ainsworth was a developmental psychologist who conducted a groundbreaking experiment known as the “Strange Situation”. This experiment assessed how an infant reacted to being separated from and reunited with their parents.

Based on her observations and research, Ainsworth concluded that there were three main styles of attachment. One of these attachment styles is known as the ambivalent attachment, and this style is what develops into anxious preoccupied attachments in adults.   

The main characteristics of the ambivalent attachment in children include:

• Extreme distress upon separation
• Resistance upon reunion
• Clingy behavior
• Difficulty exploring
• Attention-seeking behaviors

Dr. Ainsworth’s “Strange Situation” experiment provided invaluable insights into how attachment styles develop at an early age. It also demonstrates how these early attachments develop and affect relationships into adulthood.

Read our related article for information on avoidant attachment styles. 

How Is Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Treated?

This attachment style can be treated by addressing the underlying anxiety and emotional insecurity that’s often rooted in trauma. To do this, most mental health professionals recommend therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). 

CBT works by challenging the negative thoughts and beliefs that someone has about themselves and their relationships. This can be particularly effective for those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, as it helps them overcome their insecurities and fears of abandonment. 

Through therapies like CBT, someone with this attachment style can identify and restructure the negative thought patterns that fuel their anxiety and dependency in relationships.

Read our related article to discover signs of unresolved trauma in adults.

Feel Better Today at Sequoia Behavioral Health

Although your attachment style developed during early childhood, it’s never too late to reteach yourself a new, healthier one.

At Sequoia Behavioral Health, our mental health experts can provide you with the support and tools needed to break free from unhealthy patterns and develop healthier relationships. Our Attachment Style Therapy can help you build a stronger sense of self-worth so you can form more secure, balanced connections with your loved ones.

Contact us today to connect with our mental health professionals and take the first step towards healthier relationships.