Types of Avoidant Attachment Styles: Fearful and Dismissive

Throughout childhood, children learn a lot, like walking, talking, fine motor skills, personality, and emotional regulation. 

It’s important for children to have a sense of security while they grow. With a solid foundation of trust and safety, children are more likely to develop strong and positive relationships, manage emotions, and develop positive self-esteem.

When a child doesn’t have a sense of security and trust in their caretaker, it can affect relationships for the rest of their lives. 

Learn more about attachment trauma.

Attachment styles are patterns of behaviors within relationships and how stress and threats are handled. These styles are shaped during childhood, and without security from caregivers, the attachment styles will likely be negative.

In this article we’ll talk about dismissive avoidant and fearful avoidant attachment styles—what they are, how they develop, how they’re treated, and how they’re different.

What is Dismissive Avoidant Attachment?

People with a dismissive avoidant attachment style seem self-sufficient. However, it’s to an unhealthy extreme. This means not asking for help, and withdrawing from relationships.

Dismissive avoidant attachment is expressed by:

• Emotional distance
• Dismissing the importance of relationships
• Secretive behaviors
• Short and shallow relationships

Because their needs were not reliably met during childhood, relationships aren’t thought of as important. This makes it hard for relationships to be anything but shallow.

Causes of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Attachment styles are thought to be developed during childhood so it makes sense that the cause of dismissive avoidant attachment starts with parenting.

• Dismissive Parents: When parents aren’t attentive their children will likely not get the care or attention they need
• Lack of Response: Children express needs by crying and other forms of communication. When the response to these cries is slow or their needs aren’t met, then the child will learn that expressing their needs won’t guarantee they will be met  

The root cause of the dismissive avoidant attachment style is unmet needs. When a child develops a sense that their needs aren’t being met and won’t be met by their caretaker, they will begin to take that into other relationships. 

Dismissive avoidants don’t ask for help and don’t expect people to meet their needs. 

Related Article: Attachment Trauma in Adults

What is Fearful Avoidant Attachment?

Fearful avoidant attachment is steeped in fear of relationships. Someone with this attachment style might want to be in a relationship, but they are afraid of emotional closeness. 

Fearful avoidant attachment is expressed by:

• Simultaneously wanting and intensely fearing intimacy
• A belief that people will hurt them
• Low self-esteem and poor emotional regulation
• Low view and fear of others
• Impulsive behavior while stressed

You don’t need to experience all of these signs to know you have a fearful-avoidant attachment. At the core, this attachment style is a strong fear of intimacy and closeness with others. 

Causes of Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Fearful avoidant attachment is developed during the same times as other attachment styles—childhood.

• Critical Parents: Extremely critical parents create an environment where children fear scrutiny for minor things. This creates a fear of their caregiver that may carry into other relationships
• Abusive Parents: Experiencing abuse throughout childhood will likely develop a fearful attachment style. A child who is experiencing abuse won’t feel secure and will fear their caregiver

Adults who are fearful avoidant likely had childhood experiences that caused them to fear their caregivers. They won’t feel secure in their relationships and that will likely follow them into adulthood.

Related Article: Signs of Unresolved Childhood Trauma

Different Between Fearful Avoidant and Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Styles

The difference between these two negative attachment styles is fear and dismissal. A fearful avoidant person wants and fears relationships simultaneously while a dismissive-avoidant person generally doesn’t see value in relationships.

Both attachment styles are developed during childhood. However fearful avoidance stems from physical abuse and critique while dismissive stems from not getting needs met.

Treatment for Avoidant Attachment Styles

Attachment styles can be treated. However, getting started in treatment can be the biggest challenge. 

Treatment for Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Psychotherapy is the preferred way of treating fearful avoidant attachment styles. Those options include:

• Cognitive behavioral health (CBT)
• Trauma therapy
• Attachment therapy
• Somatic experiencing

Because fearful avoidant was developed from abuse and trauma, that trauma should be processed. For some fearful avoidant people, unresolved trauma may be the focus of their therapy time.

Related Article: Navigating Toxic Relationships During and After Recovery

Treatment for Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Just like fearful avoidant, dismissive avoidant is best treated with psychotherapy. These are the options:

• Attachment therapy
• Cognitive behavioral health (CBT)

When starting treatment dismissive avoidant people will likely push against opening up, or avoid the need for therapy to begin with. This can make it challenging when starting off, but once they open up, it’s a straightforward process.

Attachment Therapy

Attachment style therapy is the primary form of therapy for all attachment styles. While attending this therapy, people will be encouraged to notice and recognize their negative attachment styles and find ways to address how that affects their relationships.

Self-awareness is the primary benefit of attachment therapy. It helps people recognize and work through the challenging experiences of their past that shaped them.

Learn more about attachment style therapy and how it can benefit your relationships.

Treating Attachment Styles at Sequoia Behavioral Health

Sequoia Behavioral Health is a holistic treatment center for mental health and addiction. While in treatment here you’ll be encouraged to address the root cause of your mental health issues while developing healthy coping mechanisms and lifestyle changes.

As a holistic treatment center, we do address attachment styles and how those interact with mental health issues and unresolved trauma. By taking a holistic approach we address the root issues while also treating symptoms and other issues.

If you’re looking for a place to heal from traumatic experiences and mental health struggles, contact us today.