How to Tell if You're a Narcissist

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) won’t admit they have a problem, and their behavior is problematic most of the time. Most people with NPD will never admit to having a problem and will refuse to seek help.

If you find yourself wondering if you’re a narcissist, then you likely are not. However, it’s possible to show narcissistic behaviors without being a narcissist. Everyone will likely exhibit narcissistic tendencies at some point in their life.

Behaviors Confused With Narcissism

The word narcissist gets used all the time. It’s used when people act selfishly or aren’t acting empathetic. Using the word narcissist casually doesn’t help anyone. In fact, calling someone a narcissist can have an ego-boosting effect that dismisses the true meaning of the word.

It’s important to know the difference between a narcissist and narcissistic behaviors.

You Don’t Care

Everyone has been there: Your friend is going through something, and you don’t care. Every part of you thinks you should care, or maybe you’re just tired of hearing about their problems. 

You could be experiencing compassion fatigue, which is the common experience of feeling overwhelmed while taking care of someone.

There is also so much that can dampen your empathy and make it hard to empathize with others. Lack of empathy is a symptom of NPD, but that isn’t enough for a diagnosis.

Learn more about compassion fatigue causes, symptoms, and treatments.

You Can Be Selfish

Narcissism is defined by an extremely high view of self. Narcissists see themselves as being the most important person. This is indeed a part of being selfish. However, the occasional selfishness is not enough to warrant an NPD diagnosis.

If you’re aware that you can be selfish, that means you aren’t a narcissist. It means you’re a human. 

You’re Proud of Your Work

Finishing up a project, whether for work or a hobby, should feel good and you should celebrate those wins. The difference between a healthy feeling of accomplishment and a problematic feeling of accomplishment comes down to inflating or embellishing grandiosity.

Narcissists need attention to thrive. So when they do something they think people should praise them for, they will embellish and make the story as important as possible. They’ll also expect people to notice their accomplishments and to receive praise for them.

You should feel confident and pleased about your accomplishments, and it’s ok to feel good about praise. However, it doesn’t mean you’re a narcissist.

You Like Attention

It’s nice to know people appreciate you and like you. Never getting recognition or getting even a small moment in the sun can feel hurtful. This is a typical reaction and a feeling most people can empathize with.

Narcissists don’t just like attention; they need it. If they aren’t in the spotlight, they will become upset with others. It’s not a narcissistic behavior to want to be acknowledged now and again.

You Have High Hopes For Yourself

Success is a healthy thing to strive for. An unhealthy pursuit of success is a touchmark of narcissism. Narcissists are willing to do whatever it takes to get the success they're looking for. It could be power, status, or just a spotlight.

If you’re looking for future success and setting goals to reach them, that doesn’t make you a narcissist.

Causes of Narcissism Behaviors

NPD is not the only disorder that causes narcissistic traits in people. Other mental health struggles can create symptoms and attitudes that may come across as narcissism.

There is also a strong connection between NPD and several internalized and externalized disorders. NPD is often comorbid alongside substance use disorder, alcohol dependence, and antisocial personality disorder. However, these connections aren’t always present. Instead, the mental health struggle can look like just NPD from the outside.

Autism Spectrum Disorder

Mild autism spectrum disorder, formerly called Asperger's syndrome, involves difficulty understanding social behaviors. It’s a neurodivergent issue that is becoming increasingly more understood.

People who are neurodivergent may have a difficult time:

• Getting to know people
• Listening to others
• Showing and feeling empathy 

These tendencies can be linked to NPD, but in the case of someone with autism, they aren’t narcissistic. Other behavioral connections include:

• Difficulty taking criticisms
• Being critical of others
• Difficulty admitting mistakes

These are symptoms of neurodivergent disorders and NPD.

Learn what mental health disorders are considered neurodivergent.

Trauma

Negative coping patterns and adaptations that others may not connect with trauma. Difficulty connecting with others, a need for validation, and withdrawn behaviors.

After someone has experienced trauma they may begin to develop negative coping patterns. Some negative coping patterns often associated with trauma include:

• Difficulty connecting with others
• A need for validation

These negative coping behaviors caused by trauma are also behaviors associated with narcissism. However, a person struggling with the effects of trauma should not be mistaken for a person with narcissistic personality disorder.

Read more about trauma treatment at Sequoia, as well as the different mental health disorders caused by trauma.

Depression

Similar to trauma, depression can cause people to behave narcissistically. Depression often leads to withdrawal and with that comes difficulty connecting and empathizing with others.

From the outside, people experiencing depression can seem to be self-absorbed. Another trait of narcissism.

Being depressed and unable to connect and care for others doesn’t make you a narcissist.  It just means you could use some space. If depression is consistently affecting your life, it may be time to start asking for help.

Learn more about the symptoms of depression.

Other Personality Disorders

Narcissism is one of four type B personality disorders. The other three…

• Histrionic
• Antisocial
• Borderline

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…each share similar symptoms to narcissism, including lack of empathy, the need for attention, and attention-seeking behavior.

Learn more about personality disorders.

How to Combat Narcissistic Tendencies

If you find yourself reflecting on your negative attributes, then you likely are not a narcissist. However, you may be looking for ways to stop the narcissistic tendencies you’ve experienced.

No one wants to act like a narcissist. It can harm relationships of all flavors. The good news is narcissistic behaviors can be combated and treated.

Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is an important skill and exercise to practice often. At the core, self-reflection is a serious thought or meditation used to notice and evaluate your emotions, thoughts, and actions.

This practice is good for combating narcissistic behaviors because you’ll get better at noticing negative behaviors and increase your overall mindfulness. From there you’ll have a better view of the things that trigger you, how to avoid them, and ways to approach certain situations. 

Accept Imperfections

Narcissists believe they are perfect. During your time in self-reflection and combating narcissism, work to accept that nobody is perfect.

Minimize your high view of self by getting a healthy dose of reality. Work to understand that everyone is flawed, including yourself.

Learn About Narcissism

The more you know about narcissism the better you’ll be at identifying problematic behaviors in yourself. 

Reading this is a great place to start learning about narcissism. However, there is so much to learn about personality disorders and mental health in general. 

When learning about mental health, make sure your sources are well-checked. Tik-Toks, Instagram posts, and YouTube Shorts might not be giving you the most accurate or relevant information.

Seek Professional Help

You don’t need a formal diagnosis to seek help for mental health struggles, and you don’t need to be in crisis. Therapy is a great option for finding out more about your personal tendencies and things that make you tick.

Read our full article about ways to stop narcissism and narcissistic behaviors for more details.

Personality Disorder Treatment At Sequoia Behavioral Health

At Sequoia Behavioral Health, we take a holistic approach to treating mental health struggles. We treat addiction, comorbid disorders, and crisis events. 

While at our residential treatment facility, you’ll engage in different kinds of therapy including:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
• Family therapy
• Psychiatric care like assessments and diagnostics
• Group therapy

Learn more about our treatment program and see if it’s a good fit for you.